4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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