I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
