I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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