He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
