i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
