No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
