I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
