I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
