I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
