Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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