If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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