Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
