So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
