Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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