How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Welp...herpes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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