Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
