She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
