I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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