You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
