Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
