I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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