Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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