I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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