i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
