well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
