batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
