I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
