Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
