I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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