I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
