walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
