I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so that wasnt chicken after all
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
