Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
