And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The best revenge is premature balding
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
