wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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