if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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