I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
