Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
