yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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