T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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