so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
