DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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