There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
