Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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