She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
