at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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