It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
