I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
