i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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