I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
