But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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