bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
