That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I enjoy the company of your penis
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