SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
