my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
